For many people, the desire to help those they love can often overshadow their own needs. Especially when it comes to family, many parents or grandparents might find themselves becoming stretched too thin by all of the help they’re giving to their kids or grandkids. And while some of this help might be needed and appreciated, if this isn’t the case, you may find that you’re simply being taken advantage of.
Before things get taken too far, here are three tips for talking to people about taking advantage of your kindness and generosity.
Determine To Keep The Conversation Civil
Once you’ve determined that you are, in fact, being taken advantage of, the only way to really address this problem is to have a conversation with the person or people who are taking advantage of you.
Ideally, you should try to have this conversation in a private setting—not everyone in your assisted living community needs to hear your family drama. After you have found the right place to have this conversation, you should also make a plan for what you’re going to say and how you plan on saying it. Generally, you should try your best to be nice and polite as you bring up this topic. Sometimes, people might not even realize what they’re doing. So if you want to maintain that relationship in any way, you should try to avoid things like accusations or yelling.
Have Examples Of Why You Feel Taken Advantage Of
If your loved one didn’t realize that they were taking advantage of you or doesn’t believe that this is the case, it can be helpful to have some examples of the times where you felt used by them.
To help you come up with these examples, try to think of times where they didn’t listen to your needs, only contacted you because they needed something, asked you for too many favors, made you pay for something for them, or didn’t show any interest in you or your life. With these examples, you can then talk about what was wrong in those situations and how you can make things right in the future.
Know Your Boundaries Before The Conversation Takes Place
Through this conversation, the whole point is to start creating boundaries within your relationship so that everyone can be safe and healthy.
To have this conversation end well for you, try to think about what boundaries you need to set in order to feel like an equal part of this relationship. Some of the boundaries might include having them pay for their own purchases, not calling late at night or on the weekends, or not asking for more than a few small favors each week or month. Hopefully, with these boundaries in place, you can then move forward with a healthier relationship.
If you feel like someone you love is taking advantage of your kindness and generosity toward them, consider using the tips mentioned above to take a tough but necessary conversation with them.